


Not Enough

by Lozza342



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Captain Ennoshita Chikara, Crying, Inferiority Complex, M/M, Pining, Self-Worth Issues, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22317502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lozza342/pseuds/Lozza342
Summary: Kindaichi's never got over Kageyama, how he tried everything for him, only to get pushed to the side and forgotten. He didn't know what to do, how to stop the feeling of heartache coiling in his chest and leaving it hollow.Kageyama's got Hinata, now, someone better than Kindaichi, someone worth his time and attention. Hinata was the best thing to happen to him.It doesn't stop Kindaichi hurting.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kindaichi Yuutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio/Kindaichi Yuutarou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	Not Enough

**Author's Note:**

> So I wanted some KinKage in my life and I started with angst.
> 
>  **Tags may change** , but the rating likely won't.
> 
> I want to portray Kindaichi's struggle with his feelings of inferiority when he compares himself to other people, how that doesn't necessarily make hating himself justified and how it interferes with his perceptions.
> 
> Oh, this pairing is tragically misrepresented. I hope to let dumb boys be dumb and give them the love they all deserve.

Kindaichi swallows around his heart lodged in his throat as Kageyama approaches him. He wants to turn away, to ignore the deep gaze of blue. They're so enchanting, his eyes like the ones in his nightmares (dreams), the ones that taunt him, remind him of a love he never could have.

"Kageyama." Kindaichi chokes, hand wrapping nervously in the strap of his bag. Just looking at him makes him feel every emotion, but the only thing that rises is anger, twisting his face into a scowl.

It's his defence, a stupid mechanism to stop himself falling again - hurting again.

Kageyama looks troubled, the line of his mouth downturned and brows drawn in pensiveness. Kindaichi tries to convince himself that it's an ugly expression, but all his aching heart provides is that it's cute.

"If we can't say sorry," Kageyama begins, looking piercing into Kindaichi's eyes, "Can I…"

There's a pause that leaves them both with bated breath, before a streak of ginger interrupts them. It's always Hinata, but… he always means well. Kageyama's back straightens, as if he's been caught in a more compromising situation, as Hinata skids to a stop next to him, slinging his arm around Kageyama's arm.

That's the thing, isn't it?

As much as Kindaichi loves Kageyama, as much as he yearns for a perfect toss, for the face Kageyama makes on such a play to be directed at him, he knows he'll never get it. Those things are reserved for Hinata.

"I'm surprised that you're making friends, Kageyama-kun~." Hinata chimes, pulling a little on his arm. "You need to stop looking so sour, and get your hands out of your pockets!" He provides, pulling Kageyama's hand from his pocket.

Kageyama reacts by jumping a little, pulling his other hand from his pocket and curling them into fists to shout at him. "I know how to talk to people without your help!" He snaps, pouting at Hinata's cheeky grin.

The shouting doesn't help with Kindaichi's heart, piercing through it like it's directed at him. So many times it had been, raised voices and clenched fists.

_ Jump higher! Run faster! Match up with me! _

Kindaichi ran himself ragged for Kageyama... and something, somewhere down the line, he snapped.

There's only so much someone can take, only so much someone can endure.

Kindaichi was the last one to hold onto the idea that Kageyama would change, if only because his heart was tied to him. He was the last one willing to hit his tosses; jumping higher, running faster, matching up until he could no longer. He was destroying himself, holding on to the last shred of hope that he could keep up.

Until he broke, until his love twisted into frustration, a storm lit by the last sparks of his desire. His desire to even once please his King.

Why couldn't Kageyama see that everyone had already given up, that Kindaichi was the only one trying anymore? Why couldn't Kageyama see that Kindaichi loved him?

Kindaichi just wasn't enough. Kindaichi wasn't what Kageyama wanted.

Kindaichi knows that when Kageyama shouts at Hinata it's playful, their usual, harmless bickering. It's good for them, he thinks, trying to hide that he wishes back then, Kageyama's shouting had only been playful.

Pulled back from his painful memories by Hinata's attention, Kindaichi plasters a smile on his face to greet him. "I apologise for anything he has said to you-"

"I haven't even  _ said _ anything yet!" Kageyama interrupts.

"-he doesn't exactly have a way with words, but I'm sure he means well!" Hinata continues, ignoring Kageyama red-faced and fuming next to him.

There's a glint in Hinata's eyes that Kindaichi can't quite place, before he tugs on Kageyama's jacket, only for Kageyama to rip his arm away with a scowl. He doesn't turn back to Kindaichi, doesn't acknowledge him, instead staring at his shoulder.

"That was a good game, Hinata," Kindaichi says, trying to stay cheery even with whatever Kageyama was going to say to him is left hanging between them, "I'll get you again next time!"

Hinata snorts, jumping forward with his hand in a fist and teeth bared. "You say that every time…"

"And what happens every time?" Kindaichi teases, finding an easy grin crawl into his face as Hinata growls. "Exactly." He huffs triumphantly, crossing his arms and holding his head high.

"You…!" Hinata starts, playfully crouching as if he's about to pounce, but Kageyama grabs the collar of his jacket and yanks him backwards.

"OI, YOU TWO!"

Both of them stop instantly, spinning around to the captain - Ennoshita, if Kindaichi recalls - stood with his arms crossed and foot tapping on the floor, frowning in disapproval and exasperation.

Kageyama pauses for a moment, half-turned towards Kindaichi, but he doesn't look back, storming off towards Ennoshita with his hands still in fists. Hinata watches, turning back to Kindaichi to grin. "See ya next time!" He says, waving at Kindaichi as he runs to catch Kageyama up, jumping to cling like a koala to his back.

Seeing the way Kageyama curls his arms around Hinata's legs to shuck him up into place - and the way Hinata hooks his head over Kageyama's shoulder - shoves him backwards forcefully, weighing in his chest and stomach. Something a lot like jealousy.

Clicking his tongue, Kindaichi spins on his heel, dropping his arms to his sides to storm to the bathroom. He passes a teammate, but he only catches a flash of blue and white in the edge of his blurred vision.

When he gets to the bathroom, he's alone. Standing against the door, he presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, unable to stop a pitiful sob escape his lips. Kindaichi wants to scream, like he had done many times into his pillow at night. He wants Kageyama to love him, to tell him that he was never useless, that he was never a burden like he always felt. He wants Kageyama to hold him and comfort him and tell him that all of his efforts weren't in vain.

Kindaichi can't be like Hinata, he doesn't have the same way with words and he never will. He only ever knows that he's always done his best, always tried to keep up and push himself further than he can go. He wants to be  _ enough _ for Kageyama. That's all.

But he can't compete. He can't compete with someone who brought Kageyama out of his shell. He can't compete with someone who made Kageyama smile again, fall in love with volleyball again.

Kindaichi should be happy that Kageyama has found someone worthy of him, so why…

_ Why am I so upset? _

**Author's Note:**

> I ADORE Kindaichi & Hinata's friendship, and I want to explore this more in this fic.
> 
> I have a lot going on at the moment, but I will get to updating other stuff soonTM!


End file.
